As some of you may know, University of Florida womens lacrosse is in its first season and Saturday they play their home opener against Jacksonville. The first ever game on Florida soil is an event to behold, so you know I will be there.
To honor this ragtag team of northerners, I have comprised the 2010 version of the All Dimepiece Team which will feature outstandingly beautiful women represented by each position on the womens lacrosse field. Just to be clear the reader should know a womens lacrosse team is played with 12 players on the field (the men suit up ten) and there is no cross checking like you would see in the mens game. Let's get on with it!
Katie Cassidy (captain)
Katie is the only returning member from the 2008 squad but her leadership is without question after her lead roles on Harpers Island and Melrose Place. She will also be starring in the Nightmare on Elm Street reboot, and I am betting that her tenacity and will leads her to finally kill Freddy. David Cassidy, I don't know who you are, but word up for delivering her to the masses.
By far my favorite supermodel and I really don't dabble in that genre. Miranda has more of that 'cute' thing going on and with her being from Australia provides the team with added international flair. I would like to thank Tyler Durden for first posting pictures of the Aussie and letting us know not all supermodels enjoy copious amounts of recreational drugs.
Her role in the shitfest that was Smokin Aces 2 was enough for me to boost her as one of my top scorers. Her accolades include Entourage, The OC, and the current wallpaper model for my netbook. Bazinga! Also look for her in the February 27th episode of Human Target on Fox, regardless of that shows quality.
Alison Brie (alternate captain)
What can I say? Her role on Community is mesmerizing, yet plays second fiddle nicely to Britta's character. Her uptight personality on the show provides us with enough potential excitement when she decides to let her guard down, even if that means just letting her hair down...or getting into a foam fight with Britta. Her other projects have included Mad Men, various internet series, and an appearance on Hannah Montana for an episode (it's pretty much awesome).
The female lead on The Big Bang Theory provides enough defense to clinch wins and offense for long range shots or deceptive passes down low. I didn't like her at all in the low budget slasher Killer Movie, but she more than makes up for it week after week in the most awkward role in the history of CBS. It only makes me wish I would have watched that show, 8 Simple Rules...
Do you love novelty sized burgers? What about chicks riding a mechanical bull whilst taking down said burger? Thought ya did. I fell in love with Cameron after her performance as Chloe on Harpers Island, an adventure that had my eyes watered in her last scene. I'm kind of glad she has remained an untapped asset, unless you are huge fans of the movies Alvin and the Chipmunks and Open Water 2: Adrift.
Jenn is still relatively unknown despite her being a Florida Gator that works for ESPN as a sideline reporter. Has somebody already cornered that market? I love her look, her delivery and that way she knows things about 'sportly' things. I know she has been doing stuff with ESPNU but c'mon guys, bump her up to the big networks!
I will stop you right there and tell you I have never, ever watched Laguna Beach, The Hills, The City, Help I'm A Goddamned Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, The Hills vs. The City, Laguna Hill: Revenge of Audrina, Battle of the Hills: Heidi vs. Lo, Good Times But with White People, or Bromance...but I do have access to the internet that features blogs and pictures and watch The Soup on a regular basis. That chick has got it going on.
Jessica is one of the female leads on Melrose Place along with team captain Katie Cassidy, and even though her character is annoyingly clingy at times, makes terrible fiscal decisions and loves to start drama, she exudes sex and confidence without even knowing it. This curvy, ethnic chick can come watch the Superbowl with me anytime. Her other big role was a lead character in Cloverfield, which I plan to see soon.
I am not a huge fan of this chick...or am I? Evangeline, are you the siren that haunted my dreams in that Livelinks commercial that would air during cable reruns of Elimidate from 2004 to 2005? I am fairly certain you are, but I shan't take risks, m'lady--you will play defense and play it valiently. Even on the off chance that that wasn't you, your attractiveness and approval from geeky Lost fans worldwide are good enough recommendations for me.
While others will dismiss the Iranian beauty with cavalier remarks such as, "that girl with the big nose" and "who?" her showing on Saturday Night Live may give me a reason to tune into the long-running program for the first time. Her skit with Taylor Swift can only be described as adddddddorable!!!!! Now I see that she was on an episode of It's Always Sunny that I've yet to watch? Throw it on the grill, boys!
Ke$ha, in so many words, is what's right with America. The audience first saw her on an episode of that show where Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie go to small towns to belittle the country folk. Then we hear her on Flo Rida's song, Right Round, which was featured over at The Solar Sentinel back in July. Kesha was only known in the article at the time as "some bitch," but she has since released her debut album, Animal, where she discussed worldly topics like getting drunk, partying, male genitalia, clubbing, throwing up at parties, old men, being hungover, and using Jack Daniels as mouthwash. It really is a great album. And if someone could make a ringtone or an alarm for the 1:12 to 1:16 clip of this song, I would be much obliged. It's pretty much fire. Good job, goaltender!
Kaitlin Olson - Goalie
Kaitlin plays Sweet Dee on It's Always Sunny and her spot on the team is more about her accepted vulnerability throughout the show. It doesn't hurt that she appears to be tall as shit, which usually makes for a good lacrosse goalie. But, man, poor Sweet Dee. She's dated a retarded guy, been set on fire by her friends and family, and she just keeps coming back for more. Hook up with Charlie and we'll call it a show, Kaitlin. rock, flag and eagle!
Kelly Kelly - Attacker
I haven't watched wrestling in any regularity for several years, but she is the hottest diva going to my knowledge. Her being from Jacksonville doesn't hurt either. I won't watch the program to see if she's on, but I felt it necessary to include a hottie from the wrestling division.
Zooey Deschanel - Midfielder
Her character on Weeds was so batshit insane that it bordered on downright cute. I had never even really looked twice at her until I saw her on that show. Looking back, she was also in Elf, but with blonde hair...looking very Reese Witherspoon-y I might add. weeds
Tanith Belbin - Midfielder
I very much enjoy the Winter Olympics so I feel some of their lesser known gems should be represented. Tanith is an American ice skater and you can see her tonight in the ice dancing competition. Ask me what the difference between ice dancing and figure skating is and you will get no response. Just crack open a beer and enjoy!
Noelle Pikus-Pace - Defender
Noelle is also on the American team at the Vancouver games, but as a skeletoneer (that might not be a real word, but she does the skeleton event). What is skeleton? Think luge, but headfirst. Her dangerous activity and apparent badassery is enough to include her among the hallowed halls of hotties.